MY Grass IS Green

Earlier this summer, I was starting to grow worn out. Despite my best attempts to be an eternal optimist, I felt like I was smiling through gritted teeth. I cried, I screamed, I was miserable and unpleasant to be around. It was as if my world was crashing down around me; pieces of me fell away like bits of plaster. I tried to keep reminding myself that much of my life consists of “first-world” problems: having difficulty getting up from my plush, motorized easy-chair; needing assistive devices to walk to our fully-stocked refrigerator; having access to insured, quality medical care; or having to use our indoor plumbing in the middle of the night. I’m acutely aware that I’m very fortunate. I’m extremely grateful for my incredible family, who have nursed me back to functioning many times without hesitation. I’m blessed to have amazingly supportive, kind friends who cheer me on through the hardest times. However, after my 2-month hospitalization from March to May left me weaker than I had been in a long time, I felt like I could never catch a break. I was anxious and sad. I began to fear that my latest challenge (kidney dialysis three days a week) would be the straw that broke this camel’s aching back.

Then I made a decision to focus on the good things. I saw how many moments made my struggles worthwhile. The sunshine on my face, a joyride under blue skies, a cold treat from the Ice Cream Truck, or a long visit with a good friend; any of these could flip my attitude from dark to light. I’d forget that I’d have to endure kidney dialysis the next day and the cramping and extreme fatigue that comes with it. My memory would lapse when it comes to my inability to go for a simple walk or climb two stairs. When I’m feeling strong-ish and have limited pain, it’s not so hard to put on a grin. This is what people most often see and commend. But I’m no hero. A martyr I am not. I’m an ordinary woman doing the best I can with what I’ve been dealt. Many people have much more reason to lament their circumstances.

Most aspects of my life are improving now. Dialysis isn’t so bad anymore. I’m working with physical therapy and occupational therapy to improve my strength and endurance. I can get out of the house more easily and I’ve been taking full advantage of that fact. I even went kayaking on a quiet lake and paddled the entire perimeter! Things are definitely looking up, and I’m so grateful for that. I now experience contentment and peace more often than not. Some days are downright great! I will keep on pushing myself to get stronger and keep a positive outlook, because life is so much better when I do. Some say the grass is greener on the other side, but the grass on my side is green, getting greener.

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8 Responses to MY Grass IS Green

  1. Lyn, you are an amazing young woman. Much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Happy to hear the grass is green!

  2. Patti says:

    “Green, getting greener.” Love it! I’m going to write that on a notecard and put it on my bathroom mirror where I keep my motivational sayings. ❤️ Love you, Lyn!

  3. Lona says:

    Lyn, this is wonderful news and so beautifully written. For those of us who have not endured the health struggles you have, we can never really understand or know what it is like or what you have been through, we have only been on the sidelines wishing you well and better days for you and your family. Your post, reminds us (those of us who do not struggle going up the steps, or to the bathroom, or do not have dialysis 3x/week,etc) of how good we really do have it, not to take our health or each day with or with out frustration or struggles we have for granted.
    Thank you.
    Here is to your greener green!

  4. Marie Edlund says:

    Green has always been my favorite color……Now it’s even more so. I love that you are able to get out to do things you enjoy. I especially love that you are able to visit your two old grannies. We have cried for you, prayed for you and now we are rejoicing with you for all you have accomplished. You are loved beyond measure by all who know you. My hero, my Sunnyside partner and my beautiful granddaughter. XOXOX Granny

  5. Karen Kallio says:

    You truly are an amazing person. You ARE an inspiration to those who are also struggling with their own issues. Your days of doubt and depression prove that you are only human! It seems no matter how self-pitying one gets, there’s always someone with more issues to deal with. Deciding to look at the positive side is what puts you on top!! Thank you, Lyn, for being such an inspiration to so many…myself included.

  6. Barb Zorzin says:

    Lyn you are so full of strength and determination. You are dealing with the hand you were dealt so graciously. It was never told to us that it was always going to be sunshine and flowers. You know what they say, it’s not what your dealt, it’s how you deal with it!!! Keep the faith, your heart is beating for a purpose!

  7. Teresa Cimarelli says:

    Wow Lyn, you are such an inspiration and you give much hope to others with challenges and illnesses. It brings great joy to read those beautiful words written. Keep up the good work and that wonderful positive attitude, the key to much happiness. Much Love, Teresa💜💚💙

  8. tomgursky says:

    Karen hit it on the head Lyn… We all can get worn down by illness, depression etc…I think you’ll like this 🙂
    “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning to sail my ship.” ~ Louisa May Alcott

    It’s alright if storms are upon you, for they’ll teach you lots about how to sail your ship. Instead of hoping against hope for calm waters, it’s better to embrace the challenges life brings and learn how to handle them. Life is going to present you with a series of events and circumstances that may not be to your liking, and how you deal with them will determine what you get next. Once you learn how to sail your ship, you’ll be able to navigate future challenges even better, and recover more quickly.

    LuvYa…G Man

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